Star Wars Celebration V

Let's get one thing straight. I'm a Star Wars nerd. And proud of it. I love the movies...all of them. I collect the toys. I am obsessed.

For all the years I have loved and collected Star Wars, I have never attended a convention, or a trade show, or anything remotely close to one. Until now. This year, a friend and I are actually flying to Orlando for Star Wars Celebration V.  You know it's important when they use a Roman numeral.

For all of you non-nerds that have no idea what I'm talking about, Star Wars Celebration is an event put on every few years by Lucasfilm itself to celebrate everything Star Wars.  There's panels, and stuff to buy, and parties, and more stuff to buy, and celebrities signing autographs, and even more stuff to buy.  And I, for one, cannot wait.

It's hard to know what to expect, being that I've never been to one. I bought a four-day pass.  Some that know me have told me I can not possibly find four days worth of stuff to do at a Star Wars festival.  I think they're wrong.  They may be unrealistic, but I have pretty damn high expectations for this thing.

Like what, you ask?

Like Ewoks. Shitloads of them. I want to be surrounded by Ewoks.  I want to feel intimidated by them. Like they could drop a battalion of Stormtroopers with twigs and rocks. And they better smell like they live and crap in the woods.

And I want to meet Mark Hamill. And I want him to sing selections from his appearance on The Simpsons.  "Luke, be a Jedi tonight...."

I want to see R2-D2. No 3PO.

I want to buy stuff I've never even heard of before.  And then show it off.  I'm not leaving there without Darth Vader's movie worn jock strap.  Or Lando Calrissian's authentic pimp boots.

I want to meet Star Wars artists. No, really. There are some hella talented artists there that I would love to chat with.

I want to see the hundreds of 501st Stormtroopers walking around like a family reunion.  I want to talk with them. Find out their dreams.  Learn their ancient ways.

I want to meet collectors that far exceed my nerdom.  They will be there. And I will buy something they don't have. And I will enjoy it.

I want to talk to Carrie Fisher about her role in The 'Burbs while she's signing a photo of her in her golden bikini. And I don't want it to be awkward.

I want to meet some of the many people I have chatted with online about Star Wars collecting. I hope they've showered.

And lastly, I want to see George Lucas being interviewed by Jon Stewart. It will happen there. It has been written.  But what is being said is that one will have to wait in line the night before in order to gain access to this event.  And this saddens me.  Of all the thousands of Star Wars devotees that will be traveling from across the globe, and spending thousands of dollars, all in order to celebrate Star Wars, only a small percentage will actually get to "Meet the Maker." Why? Why couldn't it be held in a multi-thousand seat auditorium in order to accommodate any and all that want to see?  I will never know. And I probably won't get to see him.  But I won't let it ruin my time.

Most of all, I am looking forward to good times with good friends.  Star Wars or not, it will be memorable.

But I'll be sure to let you all know if I get what I want.

No more here.

Tad