Star Wars Celebration V: The Recap

Well, I'm back. Barely. Long flights, longer walks, even longer lines, all followed by long flights again. That is the best summation of my Celebration V experience.  As I stated before, this was my first Con of any kind, and I have a lot to learn. You see, your typical nerd fest isn't something you can just fall into haphazardly and expect to get maximum benefit from.  You need a plan. And I had one. A freaking great one. And then I found the art gallery.

Before I had boarded any plane, I had made a list of what I really wanted to find at the convention. Things I could only get there. And things that would surely sell out before the weekend was over. It was a short list. The top of that list was a Gentle Giant 12" Vintage Boba Fett Statue. More on that later. The second item on my very short list were a handful of art prints that were only going to be available at CV, and only a maximum of 250 were to be offered of each print.  To top that off, each print would be hand numbered and signed by the artist himself! No brainer. Gotta get some. So I went into the art gallery. I meticulously selected the prints I wanted. Then each artist handed me a slip I was to take to the register, and bring back a receipt from in order to pick up my print. Notice I said register. Singular. 35,000 nerds, 250 prints available, and one register. Really? Yes, really. So I got my tickets, and I got in line. And so help me God that's all I did on day one.  I was in line at 10:30. I was walking out of the gallery at 4:30. And then I cried. So much had I missed! So much splendor! So many panels! So many other exclusives! I was violated. And the dirt wasn't coming off.

On a lighter side, I scored some KILLER prints from Chris Trevas and Brian Rood.  Outstanding. If you don't know who they are, Google them. Or get the hell outta my blog.

I didn't see one Ewok. Not one.

I did, however, see shitloads of R2 units. And I'm not talking some crappy paper mache crap, either. I'm talking beeping, walking, spinning, smart assing, full-on R2 units. Big kudos to the R2 Builders. You guys are nuts. But in a good way.  Not in a "kill your dog and wear it like a hat" kinda way.

I met a ton of actors from the movies.  I did meet Mark Hamill. Although I wasn't able to even ask if he could sing "Luke, Be A Jedi Tonight." But still cool nonetheless.

I met Carrie Fisher, and I did discuss  The 'Burbs with her while she signed a picture of herself in a gold bikini. And it wasn't awkward. Score. She actually said that they had a blast making that movie.  And then she asked for my digits. And then I woke up.

I met Anthony Daniels, aka C-3PO, too. Umm....douchebag.  Here was our conversation.

Me: "....."

A.D.: "Take your arm off the table." (In the snootiest British accent you can think of.)

Me: "....."

Did I miss something here? Is he really that big of a star to act like a diva? I paid $50 for that guy to scold me and sign a picture.  Last time I checked, his schedule consisted of the following: Nothing. He's lucky that nerds like me clamor for an autograph from a guy who happened to be in the right place at the right time, and skinny enough to fit in a freaking shiny metal costume. It doesn't take years of training to pull that off. All you need to do is get out of wardrobe, and walk like you shat your gold plating. Next.

My friend behind me was given a dirty look by him because he literally hadn't moved the picture he wanted signed close enough to him.  That was the most awkward 6" picture slide in history.  And I've seen some whoppers.

Other actors, hella cool. Chris Muncke, who played Captain Khurgee, was rad. He asked us our names and commented on our tattoos. He gave a shit. And was thankful that thousands of nerds still know who he is, and what part he played.

I wasn't able to meet anyone nerdier than me.  Remember, I was in the art line.

I didn't buy anything I had never heard of before. Although I did score a mound of awesome crap at a wicked price.

I did see four kaffilion 501 troopers as well. And not just Stormtroopers. I saw the Emperor, and Darth Vader, and Boba Fett, and Bossk, and Chewbacca.  Oh, and a Darth Maul that was wearing Napolean Dynamite glasses and had a profile like Barney from The Simpsons. I don't think he was 501st, though. He may or may not have been mentally retarded. I also rather enjoyed the 60 year old half-shirted Padme, that looked like the cover of the Megadeth album Countdown to Extinction, only with visible granny-panty lines.

I didn't get to see George Lucas. Or Jon Stewart.  But I imagine it was good.

I walked alot. And Orlando is the most wretched, humid place I have ever been to. I have more mosquito bites than a Survivor contestant. I also now have cankles, because my ankles have swollen into my calves from the marathon walking.

Did I mention the art line?

But all said and done, I can't freaking wait until Celebration 6.

No more here.

Tad